Why I must be carefully watched on the computer…

It was all very exciting really.

It was a dark lonely night, the start of spring, the moon riding high in the sky…the time was right..

the light flickered intermittently, prettily, reminiscent of fairy lights, or a photocopier –

The lounge was comfortable, everyone involved had the requisite amount to drink, and then, seemingly from the ether, my new love appeared….

“Bid Now”? It asked…

My hands trembled and I clicked the mouse button…like a repetitive clicking thing…for example, a clock.

Thus my love/hate affair with eBay was born.

That first night i bid on scarves and armwarmers, but it soon progressed to bulk packs of clothes in my children’s sizes, clothes for me, furniture, selling – ah the heady rush of that not quite real money with which you bid.

Until you have to direct deposit it into someones account when they start sending you huffy emails, and many a huffy email have I had, and many a long 6 hour night on eBay have I woken to an inbox full of items I didn’t even know I wanted (Bedazzled windcheater for a two year old, anyone?) and many an eBay alias have I known to escape from items that, you know, really weren’t worth my maximum bid price…

But the eBay hangover is a killer – the inbox full of items won when you were sure you’d only win one or at most two and now have to shell out well over the price you would have paid retail for multiples of the same item which differ only in colour and style, sometimes not even that (how many black skirts does one woman need, nay, wear? I can tell you it isn’t 12). And then explaining to your child that yes they MUST wear this hideous pink and blue argyle sweater vest because it looked so bloody cute at $2.45 at 3 am and you didn’t see postage was over the $10 mark till you’d bid, so just Bloody wear it…

eBay is an not as nice as it pretends to be – it lures you in with promises of cheaper than average goods, then lulls you into a false sense of security with the bidding (it’s not REAL money – like a Credit Card), then BANG jumps out and goes “ha ha, now you must give me all your money” in a moustache twirling evil highwayman type voice…

And then when your children discover said addiction they milk it, oh how they milk it – I swear if I hear the complaint “It isn’t fair, bub 2 got to bid on THREE Pokemon things and I didn’t bid on ANY” one more time…and does it matter that bub 1 doesn’t even like Pokemon? No it matters not, she will sit there for hours just to find an equal number of items to squander my money on…

In fact – maybe eBay isn’t an addiction – maybe it’s a virus – contagious but not deadly…

Thus a law was passed that at any given time, in this household, no more than twenty dollars shall be bid at any one time on eBay, no more than 5 items, and postage must always be checked, and items must be necessary

And right now I really, really need a pair of heels, some sandals for bub 1, and a pikachu toy for bub 2 – no really NEEDED…promise…

Could this be the work of a deamonic force?

Could this be the work of a deamonic force?



Filed under addictions, random bumph

6 responses to “Why I must be carefully watched on the computer…

  1. Oh dear… is there an Ebayer’s Anonymous? I’d offer to be your sponsor but some f*cker hacked my ebay account and now I can’t access it till they investigate (plus you know, I’m broke, and unless I can bid on ¬£1000 cheque for 10p then my click click clicking is on hold).

    I got that buzz though reading your post. That 30secs remaining refresh refresh REFRESH!!! buzz. My god it’s good….

  2. Just wanted to say hi as you said you’d just started blogging. Love your design I like the white space and simple layout, lets readers concentrate on the content.

  3. Curse eBay!! Although you have picked up some good things on it recently…

  4. I went through the eBay phase. Funnily enough, my obsession ended almost as soon as I began blogging. All that stuff about channeling your energies in other ways is obviously a cliche for a reason!

  5. Oh I love your post, you’re the person I should have turned to for advice when I wrote this blog:


    Yes, it’s true, I am an eBay virgin. I look, I look, I look. But I never bid or buy.

    One day, maybe I will, but the longer I hold my virgin status, the less I want to surrender it! :)

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