I am over the excuses
the falling through glass tables and doors
the nasty accident or simply accident prone…
The I ate a big breakfast or i have a stomach bug
I’m over the social form of the lie that makes me seem safer in your eyes.
I’m tired of the pidgeon hole
its way too full of pidgeon
and I’m not one, never was.
The patchwork life has drawn dancing down my arms
has kept me sane in the dark
brought me back to the real
the thoughts that rampage in my brain to give me some semblance of control
but that isn’t enough.
It takes a rare being to see past the stripes,
to look, and then see me,
not look and then away, far away
till you are gone.
particularly the not near my children look at school – that cuts deepest
look at my eyes, am I that fear provoking?
So I hide them and me because my past is part of me
but that doesn’t make me mad, or insane, or an emo or in love with the pain
it makes me safe and sane and here and
never changed the factor that I love as much as I hurt if not more
I hurt as much as I laugh
and I laugh as much as my life has tried to destroy me and not won
Assumtions make one foolish
you are missing the other parts – the important ones,
the mother, the friend, the joyful, the peace,
the listener, the friend, the happiest girl you may meet today,
the one who dances on benches to her mp3
the one who loves deeply and truely whenever she does and whatever she does,
all because of visible signs of not being ‘right’
not fitting in you box that is way too full of bird for me to breathe.
Okay it tried to be a poem and didn’t work – apologies…hope it is still readable.