Actually, I think you might be wrong there… (stop looking at me like that)

This is one of those posts that is going to be confronting and full on, so if you want to read please do, if not I will understand…

Writing Workshop from

I am over the excuses
the falling through glass tables and doors
the nasty accident or simply accident prone…
The I ate a big breakfast or i have a stomach bug
I’m over the social form of the lie that makes me seem safer in your eyes.

I’m tired of the pidgeon hole
its way too full of pidgeon
and I’m not one, never was.

The patchwork life has drawn dancing down my arms
has kept me sane in the dark
brought me back to the real
the thoughts that rampage in my brain to give me some semblance of control
but that isn’t enough.

It takes a rare being to see past the stripes,
to look, and then see me,
not look and then away, far away
till you are gone.
particularly the not near my children look at school – that cuts deepest
look at my eyes, am I that fear provoking?

So I hide them and me because my past is part of me
but that doesn’t make me mad, or insane, or an emo or in love with the pain
it makes me safe and sane and here and
never changed the factor that I love as much as I hurt if not more
I hurt as much as I laugh
and I laugh as much as my life has tried to destroy me and not won

Assumtions make one foolish
you are missing the other parts – the important ones,
the mother, the friend, the joyful, the peace,
the listener, the friend, the happiest girl you may meet today,
the one who dances on benches to her mp3
the one who loves deeply and truely whenever she does and whatever she does,
all because of visible signs of not being ‘right’
not fitting in you box that is way too full of bird for me to breathe.

Okay it tried to be a poem and didn’t work – apologies…hope it is still readable.

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9 Comments

Filed under not exactly amusing, writing workshop

9 responses to “Actually, I think you might be wrong there… (stop looking at me like that)

  1. I read on. I am too curious not to. I’m not sure I fully understand everything in the poem. But whatever, it strikes me you need a lovely big hug! {{{hugssssss}}}
    So there you are. Feel free to reuse as often as needed

  2. seraphim75

    I’m not making any assumptions.
    Life didn’t destroy you, and it won’t xxx

  3. It is beautiful. As are you, and everything that you are. Light and dark, good and bad xx

  4. Mahala

    I think this was the post of a strong person, who is winning the battle. I agree that the past, hard as it can be, is part of us and makes us who we are. But we can’t build on it if we forget it.

  5. We see and we think we understand, but we never do.

  6. I disagree. It worked. I’m one of the (too) few who knows exactly what it’s about and to me it shows that you are immensely courageous and strong. Life and many people around you, including me, have given you a hell of a lot of crap to deal with and yet here you are, still striving for peace in your life and heart, undefeated. I’ll be a part of the good and help, rather than make things worse.

    I agree that you shouldn’t hide the marks – they are very much a part of you, and not just in a physical sense. Try to ignore the ignorant, they are not worth knowing. May the pigeon in the pigeon hole leave a deposit upon their Sunday best.

  7. It is a poem and it did work. Beautiful.

  8. You don’t need validation from me! You know what I think.

    It starts out very strongly, though I’m not sure the shift in mood about two thirds through works completely.

    I loved the “I’m tired of the pidgeon hole/its way too full of pidgeon” lines! Brilliant!

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