This is what we are trying.

Okay. So i did some serious staring at myself in the mirror today. Yes in a weird talking to myself way, not in a ‘ooh don’t i look lovely after being ill for weeks’ way.

And here is where I came to.

Right now I just don’t get the point.

Right now I’m finding it all too hard.

But I have promises to keep, and hopes that I will find someone to help before it all gets way too much.

(incidentally I hate searching for psychological help – the endless exposition of my life again, and again and again every new therapist – and just going to a therapist feels so – I don’t know – 90’s American…sigh…but if they are needed, and they are, then well, no option really – anyway)

Heres the deal. Or at least what I hope the deal will end up being.

I am going to study Acting – As solidly as I can. I am going to do one more audition for a school at the end of the year and then just stick with whatever comes out of that.

I am going to complete my Bachelor of Social Science degree by distance education.

I am going to keep any promises I have made thus far.

I am going to try to cling to the hope that this lonliness will pass – it is crippling me.

I will try to do one Mum thing with my kids every day no matter how I feel.

That is about it except for

And, I look an awful lot like Emily the Strange at the moment. Which is pretty damn cool :)

Then I had to go and lie down again as I have a nasty earache :s

So yes, thats where I am bloggesphere – lets hope for the best. And lets hope that this sticks this time.



Filed under acting and auditions, below 15%, novocaine for the soul, unwell

7 responses to “This is what we are trying.

  1. That’s the thing isn’t it? staying the course is often so damn hard. I hear you on that. But it will be worth it in the end. I am sure of it. I have to be, and so do you. x

  2. I am wishing you lots of luck!

  3. You can and will get through it all. I’ll do everything I can to help. That’s all I can say here.

  4. It’s hard, I know, but you can get through. Just having the courage to post this shows that. xxx

  5. Hang in there!! “The bravest are those who are most afraid, but that endure.” – Pam Brown

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