You know how in the last post I did that photo meme thing? Yeah – well I’ve kind of decided that it might be a good way to keep my poor neglected blog up and running while I am unwell and while my head is not in such a good space…
So here we go – my ‘photo blog’ rules.
1. I shall go through every folder in Picasa on this laptop
2. I shall pick the tenth photo – if this photo is an aimless child-taken blur I shall move up another ten.
3. I shall then post it here and write the story behind it.
4. I shall stick with the how, when , why and relevant facts but nothing that will make me cry by the recounting of it.
5. I shall also hope I bore none of you silly while doing this.
So here we go….
This photo was taken in 2008, In August, after I had moved back in with my parents (yes, I know, I don’t know how I survived it either). The reflection is of me, their backyard at night and their loungeroom of their terrace house in Richmond. This house isn’t theirs anymore. They now live in France. A long way from Richmond.
At this point in time I was taking photos of everything because I was coming off the antidepressants I had been on for 6 years. These drugs did nothing for me except to put a perspex screen between me and my feelings and me and the world. I have so many gaps in my memory from the time when i was on them and the time it has taken my body to completely get rid of their effects (I still don’t know if it has totally) – I so felt like a recovering alcoholic when I regained complete clarity – needing to email everyone in my past asking if I had done anything wrong, and asking them to fill holes in my mind – not fun.
But yes, this was the coming off process, which was hell and freeing at the same time. Hell because I couldn’t remember my days – so I took pictures of EVERYTHING – I even have a picture of crumpets toasting, I took notes of all I had done and needed to do. I have a month long blank in my life that is only filled in by the sketchiest detail and these pictures. Thus this is the 20th picture as for some reason the 10th is one of the label on my pj’s (go figure).
But, and this is the odd bit, I quite like this one as a metaphor for how life was, I was coming out of the shadows, into clearer focus, in a world where almost everything else was already. I also love the colour of the sky that night. And this photo was chosen purely by number :)
And now no medications play with my seratonin and I feel much the better for it – at least I know that this feeling of not -alltogether-great-at-all is real as opposed to being seperated from it by perspex and still feeling the same anyway….
But I miss that house. As strange as it seems for a house bought when I was eighteen, leaving home at nineteen, it was more home than anywhere else I have ever lived.