There is a reward at the bottom of this post – worth it – really (oh and maybe another photo- maybe)

This is a picture of me and Bub 1 at Northland going to see ‘Beverly Hills Chihuahua” for her 9th birthday. We spent a VERY long time in the ‘Time Zone’ there . (I know it isn’t Time Zone but it was when I was little so Time Zone it shall remain :P). This mirror was outside of the Pancake Parlour where we took her for dinner, and I took photos of my babies and the manager came over and asked me what I was taking photos of and why and made me feel incredably guilty for taking photos of my daughters birthday, but we have some lovely ones of her blowing out the smauggled in candle on top of ice cream on a pancake :) She was happy. I was happy.

We are not happy now. I know this is more bad stuff and that is all that this blog has been and I hate it, but right now I feel like I’ve destroyed everything – my course fell apart, my Bub 1 is being bullied, my Bub 2 no longer wants to dance, I feel like I should be getting them to change schools, I truely do. I feel like we should move and change schools – that feels right to me – but I’m scared, I don’t trust my instincts any more.

This week has been so stressful – we had two nights of me waiting for Bub 2 to get sick, sure that he was, then he got sick, temp and all on my Birthday (which I don’t mind in a ‘screwed up my birthday way – not that into them really), and then a cough like a seal, Bub 1’s Anxiety then turned into full blown panic attacks about catching what he has ( she has be we are calling what is a throat virus in him, a cold for her) and then today Bub 2 comes home, freaked out about chicken pox ( 3 spots thus far- this has been since 4pm – figure not chicken pox – thank you twitterbuddies – much help :) ) and he no longer wants to dance. My beautiful happy boy doesn’t want to do dance class. He was meant to be learning it at school. That was one of my criteria for a school. He isn’t. Also Bub 1 isn’t doing Art – no longer wants to be an artist and is so shaken by the bullying…I just want to move them somewhere safe with art, with a dance team or club, I can’t guarentee friends but I can a good anti-bullying policy….

I know a long whine – apologies – but if nothing else I have a reason – I spent the morning with a psychiatrist – who might help – except that I have to take my germ phobic self to a GP surgery to see her O.o…and then walked down parramatta rd from Leichardt to Ashfield – BAD walk when you haven’t been walking on hilly ground, in a hurry to get home, carrying heavy bag for a good month….So I’m exhausted and sore and sad and just want a stress free week. I want to write about the happy, the amusing, the light.

But life is just so heavy.

So to help (if you made it this far) here is someone who is not letting life get him down – I’ve friended him on FB and written to him – he is amazing – listen to this and if you think its worthwhile, look at his other stuff…he’s pretty damn grown up for a twenty something ‘dude’ – Presenting the “Fully Sick Rapper”

Oh and if you aren’t into that – compare these two – very clever –

   

There – wasn’t it worth it?

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4 Comments

Filed under Apologies, below 15%, bub 1, bub 2, DOC, down day, family-ness, GAH my birthday, less happy side of me, mum-ing about, music, random bumph, sick children, thank god for youtube, twtter, unwell

4 responses to “There is a reward at the bottom of this post – worth it – really (oh and maybe another photo- maybe)

  1. Katharine

    This is a great post. I love the pic of you and your daughter smiling….things like that happen to me all the time (I mean being made to feel senselessly guilty because you are taking pics, etc. Trouble is, my children are so stunning in everyway, I have to photograph them everywhere.:))
    Also, I haven’t read your blog for very long but you often seem to apologise for writing about “bad stuff”. I wish you wouldn’t – I wish you’d know that anyone reading you is tough enough to take it. If you can live it, we can read about it, has always been my mantra. I wish you would “whine” (your word) more often….when I feel bad, it always helps to unload to friends or write about it, and here you are doing both. It’s your blog! When children are unhappy, it’s terribly hard, isn’t it? You must feel afraid to move them again, in case things are not good at another school either, but I’ve learned it’s best to go with your instincts…..in this case, they’ve moved schools before, so if they are happy to move again, do it. What do they think about it? Bullying seems to be endemic and reason-less…just your daughter was in the wrong place at the wrong time. *Hugs* from one mother to another. PS I wish also, for unloading purposes again, that you would write more about your mother, and the relationship with Capt’n Jack (he sounds very interesting) and you made some reference about being a bad mother, or an absent one due to sickness….there is no need to fear backlash here. Mia Freedman (aka Mamamia, whom I love because she was the first person to publish me, in Dolly of all places) thinks all mothers should present each other with a Crap list and a list of mothering accomplishments…brilliant stuff….maybe that’s an idea for a future blog…just a thought. Point being, there is no need to fear writing about the sorrows of life as well as the joys. We are all here, reading and supporting. I’ll keep reading, whenever my three leave me the time, regardless.

  2. I think I would go with the gut feeling on moving to make my child happy, but also understand why you’re not trusting your instincts at the moment. I would have thought all schools would have good anti-bullying stances. I know they can’t stop it, they can at least try and deal with it.

    I hope things to get better soon – you guys deserve it.

    PS I love the photo of you and Bub 1 looking so happy

  3. It sounds tough at the moment, hang in there. Don’t ever feel bad about writing about the hard times. If it helps you, that’s all that matters – this is YOUR blog, but it might help others too – to not feel alone, or to have the strength to carry on, or write about how they feel.

  4. I am sorry about the course. And about the kids.

    I think you should trust your gut. It is okay to make mistakes. We make the best decisions we can at the time. It is also okay to make another one if the path we chose isn’t working out.

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