And this is why I haven’t been blogging.

I made a decision at the start of the year to go to one acting school over another – not as big a commitment, fantastic training – I thought – and for some it may be, for me it was a ten week ride to hell with no brakes. And now the Acting school I thought I could go to in second semester if the first one didn’t work out? Well that, that isn’t doing a mid year intake (told me they were- they aren’t)

I haven’t been blogging because I have been massively physically ill – won’t bore you with the details but it has sucked.

I haven’t been blogging because every. single. day I re-live all the pain that has ever happened to me, and it is destroying me.

I don’t know which way is up from here. I’m not depressed. I’m not in need of anti depressants. I am Post Traumatically Disordered, I am Generally Anxious with panic attacks that last for half an hour and make peoples reaction to “Paranormal Activity” look like a fun day at the beach, I am not eating much of anything. I want to dissapear.

I started my new blog and she still might grow – we’ll see. In the meantime I will feel like this :-

And thats the thing – I know so many of you are my friends, are there – but I feel so unwanted and unneccesary in a purely basic, logical way. I want to vanish.

So this will be me. Just for now. And that has to be okay.

Because – you see-

photo credit here and here



Filed under acting and auditions, Apologies, below 15%, breathe me, down day, not exactly amusing, Photo blog

5 responses to “Hiatus

  1. I want to say something useful but I feel bereft of use. Sorry it has all been so awful. I’m here xx

  2. The quote on that last photo is so true. I hope you find a way out. I hope it hurts a bit less one day.

  3. Hun, you know I am always here and I know that it doesn’t mean much right now but email me if you need to xx I wish there was more I could say or do..

  4. i wish I could wave my wand and make it all better for you. I hope some sunshine and rainbows come your way soon. take care, and know that we are here for you. xoxo

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