And this is why I haven’t been blogging.
I made a decision at the start of the year to go to one acting school over another – not as big a commitment, fantastic training – I thought – and for some it may be, for me it was a ten week ride to hell with no brakes. And now the Acting school I thought I could go to in second semester if the first one didn’t work out? Well that, that isn’t doing a mid year intake (told me they were- they aren’t)
I haven’t been blogging because I have been massively physically ill – won’t bore you with the details but it has sucked.
I haven’t been blogging because every. single. day I re-live all the pain that has ever happened to me, and it is destroying me.
I don’t know which way is up from here. I’m not depressed. I’m not in need of anti depressants. I am Post Traumatically Disordered, I am Generally Anxious with panic attacks that last for half an hour and make peoples reaction to “Paranormal Activity” look like a fun day at the beach, I am not eating much of anything. I want to dissapear.
I started my new blog and she still might grow – we’ll see. In the meantime I will feel like this :-
And thats the thing – I know so many of you are my friends, are there – but I feel so unwanted and unneccesary in a purely basic, logical way. I want to vanish.
Because – you see-