Just DON’T okay?

Have you ever noticed how many things n the average day you are told NOT to do, which can severely hamper your ability of doing- well- everything?

Firstly there is the “DO NOT tumble dry” tag. This tag on appears on well, anything machine washable (and in all honesty unless I’m happy to send- my- children- off- to- school- in- damp- clothes- in- the- middle- of -winter- I- just- live- in- a -flat -and -can’t -afford -another- clothes- horse- have- you -SEEN- the -cost- of -those- things!) machine washable things WILL be tumble dried.

And will come out the other side of it not too much the worse for it thank you very much mr “I’m not sure if this cheap garment I am selling you for an insane price (its a top. with sleeves. in YELLOW. this should not cost $40 – am I right here?) will stand up to being tumbled about in warm air”…if it won’t stand that then how will it survive my 8 year old climbing a tree or, well, anything climbable…hmmmm?

There is the DO NOT use on Laminated/woodgrain/wood/glass/plastic surfaces spray cleaner…WhAT are you there to clean?

‘Cause if i cut all that stuff it out it leaves me with the cleaning cloth, and while I like a nice clean cleaning cloth, its not really what I bought you for…in fact maybe I should be using you on the kids clothes- no tumble drying issues then…

There is the Silica jel…you know the stuff that comes in food stuffs in little plastic containers, that used to be little paper bags stamped all over with DO NOT eat? .

You know why? because it will absorb all the moisture from your body and you will die, like a raisin – or thats what I thought when bub 1 broke one open and ate 2 tiny grains of the stuff – turns out it CAN do this – but not in such small amounts as the very nice 000 operator, then the very nice poisons line, then the very nice nurse on call then the very nice mother and child helpline I called all told me ( maybe that is why she can consume so much and put it -um-nowhere- my stick like enviable daughter)..

But back to the gel. Seriously – who would eat this stuff?

Recently I’ve noticed it comes in little canisters with food and only in sachets in new shoes, because there THERE is where i look for food. In my shoes.

I buy new shoes I always look for the nice surprise of “what goodies have they left for me to eat inside?” .Oooh! tissue paper! nom nom nom!…whats this? a small white sachet? Great! Must be some kind of Wizz Fizz… in all honesty if they are going to do this shouldn’t it be stamped on the shoe too?

And then, while not quite the same, is the warnings on medicine – I know they are necessary – really I do.

I don’t know about you but I WANT my sleeping tablet to make me drowsy – I won’t take it then operate heavy machinery unless you can call a doona that – I want it to make me sleep.

I want Parachoc to have a laxitive effect on my children.

I know that Peanuts contain traces of nuts and that sesame snaps contain traces of seed and that eggs may contain traces of nut ,egg dairy or seed…

And part of me wonders who these warnings are for and if we can no longer use our minds at all, or that is what government peoples in charge of such things expect, or if companies are just to busy covering their own arses to realise that maybe most of us can work this out for ourselves?

If the warnings were in multiple languages then i’d understand, I don’t know what I can do with what overseas – I’m fairly sure it works the same way coming here (mind you I’m pretty sure there are no countries where they put lollies in your new shoes)  and dryclean only – adore that tag -although it can lie – again – judgement call.

Seriously – Its like  having my parents here…all. the.time.

whats next? A tag that says “this is white and should not be washed with colours” on white clothes? Oh wait…they already have that!



Filed under bub 1, no, parenting

3 responses to “Just DON’T okay?

  1. I say this post stays! I’m taking your message at the top as a kind of invitation to do a “Survivor” or “Big Brother” type vote. So I’m voting for this post to stay on the er…island. Good points all. I believe the usual explanation for this kind of corporate nannyism is that these are legal disclaimers to stop them from being sued by folks who regard silica gel as a kind of unmarked bag of lollies. Dunno if this is true or not.

    In a more cycnical mood I feel that corporations tend to either overdo this or underdo it in a criminal fashion. If James Hardie’s predecessor in the 1950s had said something like, don’t breathe asbestos fibres they will kill you slowly and horribly, then that would have been a helpful disclaimer for all concerned.

    Sorry, I went somewhat soap boxy. Great post as always! Keep it up. I too write in a sleep deprived state often. It doesn;t seem to hurt and it may even help…

  2. I say it stays to! That was just a brilliant post! I especially like reading manuals for elecrical appliances. Do not put your cat in the microwave. Em, why would I put my cat in the microwave! Or coffee cups saying Caution Hot. Em if I’d wanted a cold coffee I would have gone for an Iced coffee!

  3. Companies have to treat people like they’re idiots, otherwise some idiot will sue them. Sadly, it means they talk down to the more intelligent section of the population (ie. those with IQs over 50).

    Great post. I’ve missed your rants. :)

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