I miss hugs

Nick hornby wrote it first

In About a Boy

2 isn’t enough

2 leaves you as 1

and I can’t do 1

the life I carry is too heavy for me alone

the words I need to speak need to be shared among the many

not the very few.

And when the 1

isn’t there again

because of pain

or inability

or the weapon that they hold far too close to your heart

that really makes them much more of a half

wouldn’t  you say?

So 1.5 really isn’t enough

So what do you do

When you had 3

and 3 decided they

would just opt out?

They’re fine

happy even

their world is turning

no dramas

just no space for you anymore

Just? Perhaps

‘Cause who would deny anybody choice

and think that number

implied a contract that must be fulfilled

Not the girl

who was brought up to

think that she never even deserved the 1

that her small 0 of space begrudged her.

But to just drop out

without a word

no sound to

fade away

to just not define

to never say I can’t do this

or I don’t want to

so undefined

and then ignoring pain of one apparently once loved?

I don’t undertand

and the consfusion pounds

and tears run, run and

sobbing gathers storm like

clouds words and meanings silence and sound.

The world is dimmer, lost

so much more alone for want of one

simply because I awarded them a number

a stutus and

the power to do

far, far more damage than

they ever even knew.

The power to destroy with

a simple thoughtless act

the power to damage

to cause scars that

will not ever fade.

And finally I understand

why other 1’s like me choose

to stay as 2

or even 1.5

because the option

the option leaves you like this

lost and curled up around the stabbing

loss for weeks and months and memories of only good

when you know there was acres of bad.

At least with only 1 there

the chance of hurt is halved

although no less likely-

But that would be me

the girl who draws the pain

the girl who awards numbers to the ones who cause most damage.

And that leaves me here

world dimmed agony of loss

over nothing relaible in the first place.

Longing for a

safe place to land.

Missing completely lost.


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Filed under about a boy, Captain Jack Sparrow, DOC, down day, GAAAH, help, less happy side of me, new blog, not exactly amusing, poetry

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