This time….

I thought this time would be different. i thought this time i had a place a belonged. I thought this time it would not be like this.

I was deluding myself, again.

I am alone, again.

i am lonely again.

I am lost again.

Many things I was just starting to value have vanished.

I guess that the new year will be some time to try and desperately cobble together some kind of life. Some kind of purpose. Some kind of aim.

But right now I want to hide in bed. For a very long time.

Only I can’t. There is Christmas. And Family. and obligation.

but thats it.

no joy, just fear.


Only just as I wrote this things got lighter – things were made just that little bit lighter that little bit happier. I don’t think I will ever underrate my extended family ever. They are wonderful and make the possibility of joy so much more real. and then my bubs – well they have their own special brand of joy. So not just fear. Not just.



Filed under Apologies

2 responses to “This time….

  1. Well, obligation is a very useful thing. It’s all that gets me through the day all to often. Don’t underrate it!
    Hope next year is easier to negotiate.

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