Category Archives: being creative

From me to you.

Because I feel the need to do something for someone in the middle of all this natural disaster.

And because I just love the idea.

SO…I got it from <3 Maxabella loves…

who got it from Multiple Mum

who got it from Cate

who got it from Gifts of Seredipity

who got it from Home Revolutions

who got it from Milky Mumma

and this is the idea….

I promise something handmade to the FIRST 5 people who leave a comment here. However, to be eligible, you must repost this message, offering something handmade to 5 other people. The rules are that it must be handmade by you, and it must be sent to your 5 giftees sometime in 2011. Ready, set, GO!


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Filed under being creative

A Story of a Christmas Type Nature

The glass spheres glittered and sparkled in the candlelight  and he sat before the fire. Bone weary, watching the snow spin as the flames flickered behind the bauble he held, his reason for it all, commitment made long ago.

Curls of wood litter the floor, sharpened tools blunted at rest he is free just to watch.

The small carved figures unperturbed by the movement of the water that surrounded them, the sudden apparent blizzard or the incongruity of snow in the middle east.

The mother a Raphalite goddess this time cradling her near naked child, the father shocked and standing at one remove, leaning towards and yet away and above them all the pinprick of light, visible even against the shadows and dancing beams.

Last year they had been more traditional, some part of him seemed to remember – there had been a donkey and shepherds.

The year before that he based them on the original carving by Francis Of Assisi – or was that the year before? They swam together now, the swarm of years and his eyes grew tired at the end of his nights work.

Gently he placed the family on a wooden stand, watching the snow swirl and settle as his eyes drifted closed, another joyful evening complete and not that much time before the sun would rise.

The hundred rainbows of light shone from refracting spheres, magnifying the internal worlds, no use for them now for another long twelve months.

Each a perfect capsule of a moment in time. In place. A perfect entity. Perfect in their imperfections as if some hand had slipped in the carving of that angle of that roof or that animal’s tail.


Stay, just for a while now, and watch, quietly. See…not a hand moves but – there did you see?

It is snowing. That globe, top shelf left, see, just like when you were little and you took one in your hand and shook it?

watch the snow fly and settle and bury the roofs of the city…

And there – bottom right – look, from here you can just make it out – that isn’t a  reflection, a trick of the firelight, firelight isn’t the yellow of early morning lamp before sunrise

See, see the shadows dance on the wall as the mother walks her baby to and fro, to and fro waiting through the long night for the morning…

And this one?

This one is beautiful isn’t it  you can almost hear the sea as it moves…and yes, yes that man is just having a little sleep on the beach before he goes home.

Why?

And why in his suit and tie and angel wings?

I think probably because he was at that party there – see – the one with all the fairy lights and the tinsel?

The one where the people are singing the same carol again and again – yes it does sound an awful lot like that next door….

And why are they called fairly lights? well I think that’s…

Yes, that one over there does look like the big tower you studied in school..

And doesn’t that one over there look just like the front of that card we got last week? All covered in snow and so still. All the roofs and the cars and the….

Yes, that one is all so busy isn’t it – look at the cars go and the trains and the people all rushing to be, be somewhere else…and all those tall buildings, I never realised how many there could be in one place, did you?

And all those lights – they almost look like stars….

The bottom ones look all the same?

Look closer – all different.

But no ones moving there?

They aren’t magic?

But aren’t they beautiful.

Yes, a lovely family.

Yes boys did used to wear dresses an awful lot in the olden days….

But look – there is one where the animals look like they are singing, and there is one where the family are curled together asleep…

Why are they here? How did you think it worked my love, a million children, one night? Doorways aren’t always filled with door.

There, shake the globe again, I know they look like stars don’t they? A hundred snowflakes, snow globes, candles spinning out in all directions oh and see…they are…a million stars against a deep blue sky.

Now sleep…no, not till the morning…no we have rules about unwrapping them you know that….lie down now…close your eyes…listen for the bells.


He straightens slowly from below the tree. The  lights flashed rainbows of light over the globe as he grasped it again, a shelf of captured time to go before he was done.

Returning the smile of the child who had not forgotten. A sudden clatter of hooves, a moment, a breath, then all was still.

And that part of the world began to turn again.

And in its ever changing sphere on a shelf a houses lights go out as a mother climbs into her sheet clad bed, listening to what she hopes will be the final chorus from the party next door.

And twelve tiny reindeer swing up and away, flickering from globe to globe, so they almost seem to dance.

Till once again it is Christmas Day.


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Filed under Apologies, being creative

Speed of sound.

I keep expecting contact. A letter, an email, a text message. Some form of something. And it never comes.

I keep expecting some to see me as me and treat me as though I exist. I beginning to realise that it is only a very special few who will ever do this.

I keep expecting some to be as open and true with me as I am with them.

I keep expecting to matter. To count. To be more than an insignificant little bit of carbon. Easily dusted off and pushed past without even a second thought.

I keep expecting some to understand.

I keep expecting some to care. To not just believe whichever cardboard cutout version of me they have in their heads to hate.

And I am realising I am massively naive.

But I would rather be naive and hurt as much as I do and as often as I do, be hurt by those who should know better and damaged irreparably time and time again than to those that.

Because that is where all of my hope and faith and truth lies. In who I know I am. In the reasons I understand.

And in truth I am as special and worthy of love and respect and belief as any other person.

It’s just finding the ones that see this too that’s the hard part.

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Filed under being creative, writing workshop

The post which I forgot to title – oops – ahem – “If I Were”




If I were a month, I would be Febuary Crackling heat and suntan at the beach, or late April red brown leaves,wood smoke and crisp mornings.

If I were a day of the week, I would be Thursday night, a preview..

If I were a time of day, evening just after the first stars or the darkest before dawn.

If I were a planet, I would be Earth – It is known and safe and quite enough for me.

If I were an animal, I would be an Elephant, gentle, loving, family grouped, lost without each other .

If I were a direction, I would be walking blindfolded where north is actually south.

If I were a piece of furniture, I would be a window seat in the sunlight, warmth and reading and still just glass separating me from the world.

If I were a liquid, I would be Chai – warm and spicy .

If I were a gemstone, I would be Peridot or Garnet.

If I were a tree, I would be a Morton Bay Fig – exposed roots and soldiering on against all odds..

If I were a tool, I would be (giggle) The leader of the opposition? No, Ahem, Knitting needles – the closest I get to tools or, if one were to consider it so, a voice.

If I were a flower, I would be Jasmine.

If I were a kind of weather, I would be – see the seasons.

If I were a musical instrument, I’d be a piano and an acoustic guitar.

If I were a colour, I would be black or blood red.

If I were an emotion, I would be all of them, all at once.

If I were a fruit, I would be a Mango – Summer, sweet, soft and too much in large doses.

If I were a sound, I would be rain on a tin roof or a pure piano solo from the upstairs flat.

If I were an element, I would be earth that holds solid no matter what is done to it.

If I were a car, I’d be a Toyota Corolla – 1978 model, solid and keeps going with only a few repairs.

If I were a food, I would be…any ideas anyone? .

If I were a place, I would be a beach backed by fields and a forest.

If I were a material, I would be knitted in the early 1900’s – many found threads coming together and fraying apart but still a piece of cloth.

If I were a taste, I would be hot dark chilli chocolate – bitter sweet and warming.

If I were a scent, I would be Jasmine.

If I were an object, I would be a stage, my true home.

If I were a body part, I’d be eyes, the only part of me I love.

If I were a facial expression, I would be a quizzically sad smile.

If I were a pair of shoes, I would be (too easy) Converse runners, the easier for living in.

Seen at Naomi’s Under the Yardarm and Thea’s Do I really Want to Blog? Loved it – but much harder than I thought :)

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Filed under being creative, borrowed from another blog

A post that is not all about Acting but In which there is Gnashing of Teeth and a longing for 38point Bold

Okay – so here is the deal…I was studying, at some acting classes I thought would be excellent for me.

They weren’t.

They made my mental state very torrid and very tortured.

I chose to go to them for many reasons – such as not totally full time and a different approach as opposed to here Australian Academy of Dramatic Art.

I deferred for a semester, thinking if the classes didn’t work out I could go there mid-year.
I was very glad I did this when they told me that they were having a mid year intake and the Acting Classes I was in had driven me over the edge, dangling by a very, very fine thread.

I was not so glad when they told me that most likely they won’t be having an intake till next year – not enough students to make a worthwhile ensemble – makes perfect sense, can’t fault them for it, it is thoughtful and shows they are not all about money but instead a good acting course.

Problem being I was counting on that course for a social circle, for friendships outside of my very little real world consisting of five, on a good day.

I was counting on it for the opportunity to do something I loved, for free, and now I feel massively bereft.

I have enrolled in part time classes here The Actors Centre – which will be fantastic as it is the school I desperately want to attend on a full time basis – but they are only

1. a couple of nights a week

2. going to cost money

3.don’t start till the end of July.

In addition to this I have had DOC rushed to hospital after injuring his thigh (turned out to be nothing too major but made me realise how alone I am here – how much of a lack of actual REAL support I have),

I have been unwell and then rushed to hospital after passing out through drinking 8-10L of water a day for two weeks (made me realise that my GP when he said there was no upper limit to how much I can drink – is a fool ),

I have an infected toenail which means (oh joy) podiatrist tomorrow and, probably, (oh joy) nail removal (did I mention my Mum was a podiatrist and used to deal with my ingrown toenails with NO ANESTHETIC so now people touching my feet when they hurt freaks me out),

someone has made a DESIGNER SNUGGIE,

Have had several huge fights with DOC,

have realised that my children’s school for many reasons for want of a long explanation , sucks,

I have Seasonal Adjustment Disorder,

I am pre-menstrual

and now, NOW the fricking flat we are living in, which has a BILLION features that reminds me of my father’s house and thus triggers flashbacks and Very Bad Memories at every opportunity has Black Mold, severe Black Mold – the kind that makes you sick Black Mold IN EVERY ROOM BUT THE BATHROOM, oh and the fusebox sparks and burns fuses….

it is ENOUGH, ENOUGH, ENOUGH (in 29 point bold).

Oh and did I mention we have no money to move house and are not eligible for the bond loan again till next year, it seems, in NSW.

And I am well aware my problems and crapness of life is nothing compared to others. But I am not others, I am me.

So here I am, Sitting in bed. Wondering what the hell to do.

Do I give up on The Actors Centre as I think I am not an Actors Centre girl – I didn’t get into there at the end of last year and I’m not overly confident and beautiful, as they all seem to be.

Do I stay in Sydney and go to AADA, which would be free, but was always felt like a kind of back up till I got into The Actors Centre.

Do I audition for National Theatre School – the only option left in Melbourne, thanks to Melbourne Uni and what they have done to the VCA,

(only the Nat and I have a history, auditioned twice and gotten in only to have to essentially pull out – once due to money being an issue, once due to having my heart broken and not being fit to breathe and think let alone act). – but it would mean being in Melbourne, I have family there, family who would help out if I needed them. Or are just a comfort by being. I know the schools, I know the doctors, I know the areas to live in.

Essentially I am terrified.

I want so much.

I want to be living somewhere non mouldy and non memory triggering. I want to be at an Acting school that I love. I want to be healthy and happy. truly happy. I want to feel like my life is not a living hell.

So what do I do? any help? advice? similar situations? Anyone know the way out of mental hell?

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Filed under acting and auditions, being creative, below 15%, breathe me, bub 1, bub 2, Captain Jack Sparrow, DOC, help, I was studying, less happy side of me, Not Good, novocaine for the soul, owch

new blog on the other blog

The Fiction of Memory continues

If you want to go there – you can click here > http://wp.me/pVi8B-8 or on the picture of me on the sidebar ->

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it all started with a tweet…

Okay – so it all started with a dare from ACTinglikeamama – or a kind of dare for a meme and as I love her blog and tweets – i thought well, why not, I don’t have a lot going on right now aside from ill so this kind of blog might just work for me…so here we have the “LipSynching Meme” If you are tagged you must either record and post yourself LipSynching to a song of your choice, or write of a time when you lipsynched – baring in mind that not all people are as *dramatic* as me. – So I tag Ally at ACTinglikeamama of course – but with the proviso that as she has a young baby she can pass the meme on to another if need be :)

So, here it is…enjoy and mock to your hearts content…Me LipSynching to Fiona Apple “Paper Bag” – which is Owned by sony music.

and now I need a nice lie down, some antibiotics and a bex….

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Filed under being creative, below 15%, thanks to sony for the backing track and fiona apple who I'm sure won't mind (much)