So here I am – poor little blog with no new posts…
but there hasn’t been anything to write.
Life is racing downhill at an alarming rate while at the same time disconnecting me from everything that felt solid. I’m falling into some very bad old habits and crashing in the worst possible way.
And I’m terrified.
So the blog has been the first to go, then twitter.
I’ve completely isolating myself so that things will be easier and feeling so alone, which makes things worse.
On the plus side I’m working on a blog which will explain my life over the last while (which I can’t put up yet, but hopefully will be able to soon)
And why I can’t see getting help as helpful.
So this is very much what life is like at the moment…(and for once its a photo I took myself)
the waiting, the fog, the falling away, the clockwatching, the not being able to see anything….
Lifeslightlyused's Blog 
Rachel, there is everything to be gained by getting help. You are given someone else’s perspective on things. That has to be good. It worked for a friend on Twitter. I believe she’s in a good place, now…………
right here hon, dont you dare disappear! xxx
Right here. Do not dare disappear. The new blog is a step, but getting help is too… you just need to find the right help for you.
And remember, I’m here. I’m waiting and watching this blog, neglected or not… and twitter, waiting for you… I can wait. I will wait.
Take care hon, take care. xxx
I understand so much of this. Sometimes as I sit typing an e-mail cancelling something I’ve got planned with friends – so it’s easier – I’m already wishing they’d come round here and pull me out and make me go – so I wouldn’t be alone. Mostly I just alternate between wondering which is best, loneliness or what sometimes feels like such a monumental struggle to go out there and do anything. Bad habits come so easily, because it’s much easier to be the person you know you were than the person you want and need to be but you called them bad habits before for a reason, and maybe that reason still stands.
Sometimes life races downhill and it’s the worst feeling. Sometimes you can sit back and watch yourself pushing yourself faster down the hill, as if you somehow need to hit the bottom before you start the climb back up again.
All of this may not apply to you, or it might, or it might just let you know other people struggle too. I don’t know much about you at all, but I know by writing this your hanging on, and that’s the start of climbing back up again. You’ll make it.
Hang in there April.
Is there anything we can do to help?
You really do need to find help. I’m going through one of my own periodic cycles of depression (exacerbated by the bloody election) and I may need to take action myself at some point. The main thing is to find someone (as I did 15 years ago) who’ll give you the tools for coping with who you are. Isolation (really) doesn’t help, speaking as a semi-professional isolationist.
Thank you. All. I am trying. xoxo and *hugs* for your patience
Thank you – everyone – still looking for help in a vague sort of way- just not sure what to do…*hugs to all*